Soccer Mom: Unplugged

Required background information for the following story:

1- A few months ago I set the ring tone on my very infrequently used cell phone to the Ben 10 theme song.  This is my 9 year old's favorite cartoon and he had taken my phone with him to the park.

2- I don't wear a watch so I brought my cell phone into church to monitor the time and keep the children's nursery, where I volunteer, on schedule.

3- My children are just getting over a cold and all have drippy noses.

It was an unusually quiet church service.  Even the infants and toddlers were virtually silent as the young boys in their crisp white shirts and colorful ties brought communion to the congregants.  Deep in prayer, I was suddenly disturbed by the sound of an oddly familiar driving rock song.  Nope.  It wasn't in my head.  My cell phone had just gone off during the most conspicuous moment of the service and was playing Ben 10 at the highest volume possible.  Kids in neighboring pews giggled.  Adult worshippers tried to appear disinterested or unaware.  I got it turned off just as a freshly scrubbed 12 year old appeared beside our pew with a tray of small plastic sacrament cups.  Red faced and flushed, I returned my phone to my purse and looked up just in time to see my 6 year old son tipping back the little cup of water.  He put the cup inside his lips, being silly as boys are apt to do.  Suddenly he inhaled and the cup lodged in his throat.  He went silent and in a split second I had one hand bracing the back of his neck while the other retrieved the cup.  My 9 year old son, sitting between Sir Sucky and I burst into uncontrollable laughter so as soon as I got a hand free, I clamped it over his mouth and whispered a dire warning to which he laughed even harder. "Mom," he sputtered, "you've got my boogers all over your hand!"  Sure enough, in my attempt to quiet him quickly, I didn't even notice that I'd wiped his nose with my hand.  All three boys were laughing now and my husband was shaking from the exertion of trying to contain his guffaws.

After a quick trip to the ladies' room to wash my hands, I returned to enjoy the sermon.  As various speakers addressed the metaphysical, I tried to find some meaning - conjure some morality tale - from the embarrassing and eventful previous few minutes.  Clearly, I'm no Aesop because the only thing that came to mind as I sat there in the Lord's house was a profane two word bumper sticker.  Yep. STUFF HAPPENS.  And perhaps the best recourse is simply to laugh out loud.