Soccer Mom: Unplugged

There is an old poem titled An Ambulance Down in the Valley that has come to symbolize for me the dilemma of cultural politics in America. Perhaps, you've read it before.

An Ambulance Down in the Valley

T’was a dangerous cliff as they freely confessed,
Though to walk near its edge was so pleasant,
But over its edge had slipped a Duke,
And it fooled many a peasant.

The people said something would have to be done,
But their projects did not at all tally,
Some said, “Put a fence around the edge of the cliff,”
Others, “An ambulance down in the valley.”

The lament of the crowd was profound and loud,
As their hearts overflowed with pity;
But the ambulance carried the cry of the day,
As it spread to the neighboring cities.
So a collection was made to accumulate aid,
And dwellers in highway and alley,
Gave dollars and cents not to furnish a fence,
But an ambulance down in the valley.

“For the cliff is all right if you’re careful,” they said,
“And if folks ever slip and are falling;
It’s not the slipping and falling that hurts them so much,
As the shock down below when they’re stopping.”

And so for the years as these mishaps occurred,
Quick forth would the rescuers sally,
To pick up the victims who fell from the cliff,
With the ambulance down in the valley.

Said one in his plea, “It’s a marvel to me
That you’d give so much greater attention,
To repairing the results than to curing the cause;
Why you’d much better aim at prevention.
For the mischief, of course, should be stopped at its source;
Come friends and neighbors, let us rally!
It makes far better sense to rely on a fence,
Than an ambulance down in the valley.”

“He’s wrong in his head,” the majority said,
“He would end all our earnest endeavors,
He’s the kind of a man that would shrink his responsible work,
But we will support it forever.
Aren’t we picking up all just as fast as they fall,
And giving them care liberally?
Why, a superfluous fence is of no consequence,
If the ambulance works in the valley.”

Now this story seems queer as I’ve given it here,
But things oft occur which are stranger.
More humane we assert to repair the hurt,
Than the plan of removing the danger.

The best possible course would be to safeguard the source,
And to attend to things rationally.
Yes, build up the fence and let us dispense,
With this ambulance down in the valley.

It seems to me that the fundamental argument between the right and left extremes of American culture are embodied in the two choices first laid before the townspeople of, shall we call it, "Ambulanceville".  With the left extolling the pleasure of using freedom to the furthest edge of its limitations and the right urging temperance in all things. 

There can be no doubt that there is pleasure to be found at the edge of the cliff.  Enter any frat house party and I assure you there will be countless drunk college students who'll verify that they are having a good time. 

At some point in the last century, the voices calling for ambulance funding became measureably louder than the voices calling for safety guarding fences.  Perhaps when baby boomers were teenagers, and suddenly the more experienced and wise voices of their parents were overcome by the capricious demands of a bloated cohort of adolescents, the shift occurred.  But whenever the precise moment was we are feeling the impact of the tragedy still.

The shouts of "don't teach abstinence, hand out condoms" ring in our ears as do the vehement objections to showing any deference the the Judeo-Christian ideology upon which this nation was founded.  Too many prefer the clean up after technique of abortion to the repsonsibile method of simply choosing birth control.  We've seen the constant devaluation of human life in our society and yet we rush to protect the rights of all people who would foolishly walk to the line and lean out peering to see the view.  Un inhibited sexuality is only one of the roads, pleasure seeking ambulance supporters promote.  They also believe that pornography is acceptable even though case after case of abuse, violent sexual crime and child molestation links it to sexual offenders.  The ambulance choosers would have us believe that everything should be legal - no legislated boundaries should exist.  And yet when it's time to pay the EMTs and the ambulance driver, they demand our hard earned money.

Clearly, I lean a little more toward the fence opting crowd.  I believe that moral safeguards are the obligation of any responsible government.  No one should tell us what to think but we should be beholden to common sense when asking for a free ride to the hospital after a fall.  Is it the responsibility of all American taxpayers to pay for the risky behaviors of some?  And if so, then where do we delineate between reasonable social responsibility and rewarding absurdity?

A few years back we all wondered at the court case of a woman who spilled hot coffee on her lap and then sued McDonald's for giving her, essentially, exactly what she asked for.  The case was ludicrous but highlights a dilemma we continue to face.  When do victims cease to be victims and become merely stupid people making risky choices?  When does ignoring the warning signs and leaning out over the edge of a cliff disqualify you from access to our sympathy and our tax dollars?

Recently, the culture war has shifted even more toward the ambulance.  Now it is not enough to pay for an ambulance, pleasure seekers want recognition for getting close to the cliff.  They want the world to embrace them for choosing lifestyles and ideals that put them at serious risk.  They want their choices to be accepted, embraced, celebrated.  Elementary school children are reading books about lesbian parented families, high schoolers are writing essays arguing in favor of the legalization of marijuana, and on college campuses students are encouraged to stand firm and fast in favor of a fence free society at all costs.

While I do lean toward limiting personal freedoms or at the least not federally subsidizing them, I still find myself somewhere between the two extremes.  The simple truth is we need ambulances.  There are passersby who don't understand the warnings and some who can't even read the signs.  But ambulances should hardly be the sole, or even the most important, response to the dangers of the cliff.  Warnings should be posted and fences emplaced to keep back those who would unwittingly come to harm.  There should be reasonable safeguards, laws that inhibit some of our freedoms for the purpose of protecting us from ourselves and each other.  Without question, however, we can no longer continue to allow society to celebrate or subsidize the antics of risk taking cliff divers who walk knowingly to the edge jump off and then wait for a tax payer funded, society supported rescue.  This irresponsible and agregious failure of the American townsfolk must come to an end if we are ever to slow the steady stream of casualties.